I'm really hating human-kind right now ...
I'm working on a shawl, the purpose for which was to help me get my crojo (crafting mojo) back. The last thing I need is to build the thoughts I'm currently having into the project which I'm either going to wear myself or give away to some innocent other. And I don't fancy burning this piece, which would be a good way to cleanse the tormented emotions I'm dealing with.
I remember hiding under my desk in elementary school, curled tight into the floor as the school intercom blasted the siren for the nuclear raids. Even then, no older than my granddaughter is now, I wondered why we were made to perform an action that was so useless ... trying to process why the adults around me experienced such fear.
As I grew older, I came to understand the danger and I learned to fear ... not the intangible fear of the unknown that is part of childhood ... nor even the unreasoning terror that came with the acrophobia ... but a fear of my own species. A fear that came from a knowing so old that it felt that it came from the very marrow of my bones ... a ken from deep within that these creatures with which I share biological kinship are not to be trusted and will, with great certainty, prove to be the authors of their own extinction.
Then as I made my progression from adolescence to adulthood, the world entered a period where it seemed as though there was actual point in hoping for better. And, gradually, I forgot how it felt to live with a constant fear of death ...
The true lesson of Generation X is helplessness ... and the world turns yet again.
Once again my species seems bound and determined to repeat lessons we swore never to forget.
And prove just how small-minded and easily led we really are.
Beating my head and heart against walls of misinformation
Feeling so utterly alone and so very angry
Pointlessness rules
This is fodder for my enemy ... my mind.
Best it stay here than get poured into and handiwork where it might remain enmeshed.
