Welcome to my Parlour ...

Parlour -
A reception room in a private residence.

In this case, the private residence would be the recesses of my mind ...
which can be, at once, a wondrous and a terrifying place to be.
A place of confusion and fear, doubt and despair as I daily tackle the mental health challenges which are my birthright and curse.
But also a place of glorious imagination and profound Faith borne from the wellspring of my lifelong spiritual quest for understanding and self-mastery and the power, subtle and real, this Path has granted me.

This Parlour, then, would be that little space where the outside world may meet MY reality.

Truly, there's no telling what one may find posted here.
Ultimately this space is for myself, although others are welcome to stay a while provided they don't mind the spider.

~ Go dtugtar breith orainn dá réir ár ngníomhartha. ~
(Let us, by our actions, be judged)

Sunday, 7 October 2018

Just keep breathing ... breathing ... breathing ...

I've been feeling very vulnerable since posting that video the other day. 

Even as I mentioned in the vid, there's been nary a single response ... depressing but not a surprise. 

I'm shaky today ... It's hard to breathe and I'm doing my best to be present enough to catch myself when I am doing the apical thing. I'm quite jumpy enough as it is without pinging my fight or flight instincts by breathing quick and shallow. 

Got caught by surprise by a heartbreaking scene in the Netflix movie 'Born in China' wherein they had been following the adventures of several different animals and one of them was shown as having died ... it was an adult female snow leopard (my favorite of the cats) ... and the image caused such an emotional shock that I actually said aloud "I didn't need to see that" 

First chink in my armour of dissociation ... tears did run while I did my best to breathe regularly through it. 

Then I got an email from our Shih Tzu breeder wishing us a Happy Thanksgiving and asking how everyone is doing. I truly love my breeders ... they care so much not only about the dogs they adopt out but also the families they become part of. Of course, providing a quick update included talking about M'Lady ... so the tears are back. 

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