Welcome to my Parlour ...

On August 26th, 2010, my mother passed beyond the veil.
This event has become a catalyst for change in many and often profound ways in my life.
This is my way of chronicling those changes so that I may, at a later date, have the ability to review and reflect upon them.

~ Go dtugtar breith orainn dá réir ár ngníomhartha. ~
(Let us, by our actions, be judged)

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Life Without ...

Well, it's been almost two weeks since I weaned fully off the anti-depressants and I feel alive again.

The downside?

My even keel is gone ... there is a definite trade-off to life with and without the antidepressants and this is it.
I have to learn to moderate my own responses again.

I have feelings ... wonderful, glorious, amazingly powerful feelings of the positive and negative variety.

I'm crying a lot .. and I do mean A LOT. Not the feeling awful or unhappy kind of crying .. the 'a lovely piece of music came on' or 'the TV showed that sappy commercial again' or 'I remembered something (good or bad) from years past' and now the tears are rolling down my face and I can't make them stop variety.

I'm VERY irritable ... I catch myself snapping at K in a way that she definitely doesn't deserve (she should be given a medal for just putting up with me) but I can't seem to be able (yet) to moderate my tone before I hear myself doing it.

University is, well ... worse.
I don't think I had fully understood the extent to which the pills gave me a buffer from my own anxieties and inner turmoil both during and between classes.

My scholastic motivation is, well ... improved.
Since I am feeling the pressure to get my assignments done and achieve a high GPA, my assignments are not being left to the last minute ... where the pressure of the deadline would be my normal motivator.

The jury is still out on whether or not I am going to be staying off them ...
The realization that my reading ability was significantly impaired with the head injury back in 2006 has been quite the shock ... and a totally unpleasant one, at that.

Time will tell ...