Since I last posted, I have been doing well with my depression meds. But, as the depression has abated, my social anxiety has really come to the fore. And now we're looking at whether it is really a simple case of anxiety or whether I actually have a form of Agoraphobia to go with my Acrophobia. I use my anti-anxiety med when I need to (which is more frequently than I'd like) and muddling along as best I can.
Which means that I've retreated about as far back into myself that only the cats and the plants in my wee garden have been seeing my face. I have not been happy with myself and have needed the time to think my way through my own internal processes so I could figure out how I want to manage myself. Taking time in solitude to make a thorough list of the things I'd like to/need to change ... or at least work on ... and figuring out how exactly to go about it.
One change I've been wanting to make was to get more activity into my day and I decided to act on that today despite the fact that I'm still not feeling too well due to the bug that's still camping in my chest. So, I up and got myself ready to take a walk ... I wasn't planning on going far - just around the block, really. I dressed up properly, making sure to wear my garden sun hat and that I was well covered so as to not risk a sunburn.
I headed out with my iPhone set to its music player and earbuds in my ears. Walking at a comfortably brisk pace when I suddenly realized I was being followed ...
|Once she realized I had spotted her, Eowyn decided to play|
cute and flopped on her side. I tried to tell her that I was just
going for a walk, and would be back very soon.
|As soon as I started walking, she resumed following me again.|
There was no discouraging her and she accompanied me
the whole way and back to the house.
|Still following even though she was feeling a bit|
uncomfortable being out in the open.
Starting at about the halfway point in the walk, I found myself thinking about the pet rescue/adoption commercials which were on the TV not too long ago. The ones which stated that the reward in adopting a pet wasn't in bringing them home, or in the caring for their needs ... it was when they adopted you back.
As we were walking along ... and both she and I spend a fair amount of time making sure that we kept each other within eyeshot ... with her scolding me the whole way in little meows I couldn't hear due to the earbuds ... I couldn't help thinking that there's little stronger proof that she considers me hers than going for a walk with me and escorting me all the way back to the house before she would stop scolding.
The realization generated a really happy feeling ... and I realized that the commercial was right ...
The reward really is when they adopt you back.